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LOA is over.

I landed safely in Colorado after 24+ hours on the road and have fully moved in.

I also missed 4/20 4/20 by a matter of hours. Oh well, maybe next century.
 
Resigning from HL2. I was going to see if my mind changed at the end of the day, but overall, I this this has been doing a real number on me. Quarantine's really been fucking with my mood, and I don't think I've really been having fun with this position. I was going to see about banging out one 'final' idea, but I don't have any motivation to do so. Genuinely sorry to the team and the playerbase. This setting is what raised me on TNB and I wish I could do more for it.

For the record, this is not about recent arguments and disagreements. This has been hung on me for a while.
 
i've been thinking about this for a while now, but i've held off on making any decisions because i didn't want to be the asshole that dropped out when the team needed all hands on deck. fortunately, HL2 is experiencing some downtime as the endless pendulum of server population is currently swinging towards TRP again, which means i can do this with a good conscience now.

i've felt a lot during this iteration - passion, eagerness, joy; stress, anger, frustration. i've gotten a lot out of this iteration - new friends, stronger bonds with old friends, inspirations and ideas... my main motivation in getting on and doing things was always the fun i had in providing things for others, but with weekly CCCs, an ever-growing rift in the community and a server setting i can't be truthfully passionate about (read: city rp), i haven't had any of that in a while - and i do think it's quite paramount for a hobby.

i step down from hl2 admin. this isn't a "fuck it"-resignation, nor is it one of bad faith. i don't think i have that many regrets, either. i'd just rather remember this iteration as a pleasant memory than a perpetual state of burnout. i'll probably still be around as player, in any case, but i'll focus on doing what i want to do personally.

on a final note: be the change you want to see; don't make demands that you can't meet yourself.
 
Reinstated as TRP Trial Admin

Pass their trial.

I'm sure there's a good few people that are going to take this the wrong way, but I can't deny that what Flower's been doing on server recently has brought a lot of interest back into the server. I like to think and hope that everything in the past between him and us (the TRP team) is just that - in the past. For the past two weeks he's been running a very enjoyable campaign on the server and to be honest it's enjoyable to the point where I'd be doing a disservice to the people currently enjoying the roleplay if I didn't enable Flower to keep doing events in a way he can properly cooperate with the team.
 
i'm sorry to report that a time when admins are needed most, i will be stepping away from the hl2 team

you guys need to know who you can depend on creatively and i think it would be disingenuous to pretend as if i could be counted on in this way. it's underhanded to withdraw at a time when the stakes are high and contribution is critical for the server's health and stability but i would rather take some time apart than to go behind your back. i'd really rather slap you in the face than stab you in the back.

i'm truly ashamed to say to my friends and colleagues that i cannot be depended upon to assist them at this time help is most needed. truthfully, i do not currently have much creative interest and what little i do is intrigued towards other projects and pursuits that i find myself dedicating my time and passion towards

i have found my personal performance on the team disappointing and beneath my standards - of course i always try to do what is right and best and sometimes that means you must go out on a limb and take risks to push the envelope, but currently i do not believe i am elevating the team.

that said, this is and hopefully will continue to be the best community in gmod roleplay and unironically, perhaps one of the best in general. i have made some friends for life here and always look fondly on the lessons i have learned from the community at large and the experiences we have shared. i have the utmost respect and appreciation for my colleagues who continue to put food on the table for our hl2 server and i cannot express that enough. this is also why i feel that i've been wearing something of a false crown, atleast with regards to my creative and administrative contributions.

to my colleagues, it has been an honor! thank you for taking a risk on giving me a badge - from the top looking down, i figure you must feel a sense of regret when your expectations and standards are not met. the opportunity has been precious and flattering and i hope that one day i can do the role justice if ever the opportunity falls in my lap again.

unfortunately, i'm not the person the server needs at the helm right now and hope that this will pressure the people with the interest and ability to take up the tools i will be leaving behind to deliver the experience i cannot.
i can only hope this inspires you, reader, to rise to the occasion and support the server but it's hard to know whether i am jumping ship or breaking up and only time will tell if i've helped kill something i helped create.

thank you for letting me administrate for you!
your friend, shkwambo


i know the smiths are sadcringe but this is scrambleposting and they're GOOD, okay?
 
My activity will be taking a hit for a short while. I'll get on when I can, but life is a bit difficult as of now.
 
Going on LOA.

Need to sort a few things out. I'll be back when i'm good and ready.

raklo edit: hope ur good vro..
 
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LOA for a while.

This was always gonna be a problem sometime during this year, but it’s finally here, I’m deploying until around the middle of September and probably won’t even have the opportunity/reception to check anything from my phone due to where I’ll be.

If a spot needs to open up to allow for more admins, feel free to remove me, otherwise I’ll see you all when I get back.

Sweetness edit: be safe, we'll be here when you get back. may the force be with you, master jedi.

shinzo edit: i love you

raklo edit:


fury edit: See you on the flipside, Chief. We will wake you when the time has come.

 
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Things have gotten a little bit better. I'll be back to my normal routine as closely as I can manage. Thanks for being understanding.

raklo:
 
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I'm on LOA for the foreseeable future. Current DOJ/MPD/Military behavior here in DC has made things particularly miserable. Hopefully I won't be away for too long.
 
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